


The Power to Vanquish the Dark Lord.

by AzureAlquimista



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, F/M, Gen, Nonsense, Not for Snape lovers, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29040198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureAlquimista/pseuds/AzureAlquimista
Summary: Or how to ruin the day of the boy who lived.A tale in which Ron is pensive, Hermione is curious and Harry is tired of his friends.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Kudos: 19





	The Power to Vanquish the Dark Lord.

**Author's Note:**

> A little sarcastic nonsense born out of intense boredom.

"Can you tell me why you have that face?" Hermione rose slightly to get a better look. "Really, Ron. It looks like you're sucking a lemon. What's wrong?"

After the war, many students had decided to stay in Hogwarts to help the reconstruction. Of course, structural tasks were carried out by some specialised wizards from the Ministry. The students expended the day walking around in groups, and throwing reparo spells to anything that seemed broken... which was almost everything they could see.

Like every day after lunch, Harry, Hermione and Ron (the golden trio, as some tacky journalists now called them) had gone to the lake's shore, to enjoy a bit of sunbathing. Fully clothed, obviously, this was Hogwarts, not some indecent muggle beach.

Harry was closed-eyed, trying to ignore the more than likely argument that was about to break out between the two friends. No. Lovers now, as he had discovered in an extraordinarily unpleasant way that very morning: naked bodies, sweaty hips swaying, gasps ... He was going to have nightmares for the next ten years.

"I was thinking." He heard Ron respond.

"And can I know what you were thinking?" That was Hermione's inquisitive voice. The sure way to end in a shouting match with Ron.

"What? Isn't there a tone of surprise?" Ron asked.

The perfect opening for Hermione to pounce. In a matter of seconds...

"Of course not. You can be as smart as me. When you apply yourself, of course. And don't change the subject. What were you thinking about?

In the end, there was no fight? Clearly, there must be some unusual side effect caused by their lewd, and almost certainly highly unhealthy, morning activities. Really! It couldn't be sanitary to stick your tongue... In there.

"Only some things. A nonsense, really. I don't think you want to know." Ron answered.

That caught Harry's eye. Literally. He opened it to look at him. "We don't want?"

Hermione smiled. "Of course we want to! We are interested in everything you can think of, right Harry?"

Harry hesitated for a moment. "Well, if Ron really believes..." Hermione's murderous gaze pierced Harry from side to side.

"But he's wrong, of course we're interested. That's what friends are for." Harry rectified with the incredible reflexes of the best seeker.

Ron frowned. "It's complicated. At first, I was thinking about the minging fart."

Maybe this could be interesting. "What about Snape?"

"I was wondering what his plan was. You know, when he asked Riddle not to kill your mother. Honesty, after seeing with her own eyes how her husband and her one-year-old son were murdered, and imprisoned in the hands of the Death Eaters. What on earth did Snape want to do with her? To brainwash her? To make her his slave?"

That surprised Harry. Imprisoned? Slave? But it was logical. One thing was not to kill her, and quite another, to let a dangerous enemy go free.

Her mother, in the hands of Riddle, who hated her; and Snape, who was obsessed with her. Many possibilities flashed through Harry's mind, each more disgusting than the last. "Honestly, Ron. I'd rather not think about it."

Ron continued, "And then, I remembered the prophecy. The power to vanquish the Dark Lord, and all that nonsense"

Harry raised his eyebrows. Things couldn't get any worse, could they?

Ron cleared his throat nervously.

Yes, they could.

"The point is: Snape asked Riddle not to kill your mother. Okay... But Snape was a low-level Death Eater. Not even a pureblood! And Lily was a muggle-born. Evidently, Riddle owed nothing to Snape, and he hated Muggles to death. So why didn't Riddle refuse? Or said yes, but only to kill her anyway?"

Harry scratched his head thoughtfully. "Okay. Riddle didn't have to listen to Snape... And this is important?"

"Of course it is!" Ron exclaimed. "It is what caused his downfall and set the prophecy in motion. It's bizarre, but what destroyed Riddle was his honesty in keeping his word, and offering Lily the chance to live. That was the power to vanquish the Dark Lord! "

This time it was Hermione who spoke. "Wait a moment! So, if I get it, you mean if Riddle had been totally evil and dishonest, it doesn't matter what Snape had asked, he would have killed them all without giving them any chance. And without Harry, or the prophecy, he would have won the war without a doubt."

Ron nodded. "Exactly! In some twisted way, the power to vanquish the Dark Lord was born from that small bit of decency he had by keeping his word and not killing Lily immediately. Of course, the Dark Lord knew not the power that his decision would have over Harry, who was the one that finally defeated him."

Hermione was silent, trying to find some fault in the reasoning ... and with the same bitter face that Ron had at first. "In a way, it makes sense: Riddle's decision is what gives Harry the power to defeat him... Oh, God! All this is pretty depressing."

The Earth, undisturbed, advanced 2,300 miles in its orbit. A less enlightened observer would say that a couple of minutes of awkward silence passed.

Finally, Harry sighed and lay back down on the grass. And to think that he had considered naming one of his future children -Severus-. How could he be so stupid?

"Hermione. Next time you see Ron making funny faces... Don't ask and snog him until he can't see straight! Or better yet, get nude and do one of those exotic sexual dances that he likes so much, as you did this morning."

To Harry's satisfaction, Hermione turned from pale to the most glorious and brilliant crimson he had ever seen.

"Did you see us?!" Asked Hermione, totally horrified.

"Unfortunately, until the end. And what an ending!... I think you've deafened half the acromantulas of the Forbidden Forest.. Poor things."

"My God, Harry! We thought you were in the greenhouses. That there was no one!... Oh, God!" Hermione covered her face with both hands, totally ashamed.

Harry closed his eyes and enjoyed the sweet nectar of revenge. "... pair of walking disasters. Great way to destroy a perfectly fine day from beginning to end."

**Author's Note:**

> The author of this fic is not responsible for, and does not share, the opinions of the characters... Especially those concerning the insertion of tongues into bodily orifices!


End file.
